Introducing ... the velo'v.

London has red buses, red phone boxes and red guards outside Buckingham Palace. Lyon has red bikes, otherwise known as velo'vs. These chunky grey and red contraptions are designed to get you round town cheaply, quickly and in a eco-friendly way. You find a velo'v station, print a velo'v card, choose a shiny red velo'v, et voila, c'est parti! However, velo'v-ing is much more than an easy three-simple-steps-and-you're-on-your-way-process; it is indeed an art itself. Perfect velvo's are like gold dust and finding one requires masterly juggling of running between velo'vs to check they work and swiping your velo'v card before someone else jumps ahead in the queue, as well as the fine tuning of your ability to avoid the "for-some-mysterious-reason-this-velo'v-doesn't-appear-on-the-computer-even-though-I-can-see-it-with -my-very-own-eyes" velo'vs which lay in waiting to trap unassuming cyclists. (Or maybe this is some sort of French philosophical problem in practice along the lines of the tree falling down in the wood but nobody hearing. Does the velo'v really exist if it isn't shown on the computer?) And choosing your trusty stead is just the start; velo'v-ing should really be a verb in its own right (albeit in a less punctuated form); just five minutes on a velo'v will demonstrate that veloving is certainly not the same thing as cycling... But despite all their quirks, their inability to go up hills or to transform pedal power into speed, I say three cheers for the Lyon velo'vs, and who's for the first tour de france en velo'v?!